Last night’s conversation with the Bavarian Monster.

BM: Now you can hear me Matt?

MT: Oh I can hear you Sir.

BM: It’s me Tom Niedermeier

MT: Who, who are you?

BM: My name is Tom Niedermeier Matt.

MT: Oh right okay I haven’t heard of that name before. Would you like to introduce yourself to the audience tell us a bit about yourself?

BM: I’m the guy that you call a monster, a stalker and a criminal. 

MT: Oh who’s that, no I don’t think we talk about; are you talking about the Mr X the Hamster dad?

BM: No, I’m talking about you Matt and I will get you locked up. I will get you imprisoned, I will get you fucking imprisoned you asshole.

MT: Wow I’m surprised. Um, have we ever met before?

BM: No we’ve never met 

MT: So where’s all this anger, um coming from?

BM: Because you’ve been harassing, because you’ve been harassing me and my family for months now and I can’t wait to put you behind bars. (inaudible, inaudible)

MT: Wait hang on, isn’t that child abuse? I’ve just, I’ve already spoken about that. it’s very mean of people saying that because it means you’re taking away a loving father from their children. I’m the actual person who helps the key workers in the UK.

BM: Getting you locked up is the best thing that could happen to your children.

MT:  Oh really, do you really believe that. But have you ever met my children?

BM: No but I (inaudible)

MT: So how do you know that’s gonna be the best thing for my children?

BM: That’s enough to know that you’re a psycho and a weirdo and you’re not good for children.

MT: Oh really 

BM: You have convictions for harassment.

MT: I haven’t got any convictions for harassment, and I’ve noticed um…

BM: [Censored, censored-censored.]

MT: Woo, OK look, goodbye, we are not allowed to say things like that mate, ha ha ha ha.

Conversation ends.